I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness.
It seems to me that the God of the Bible expects much more of people in this area than he expects of himself. We are supposed to forgive "seventy times seven" regardless if the offender takes accountability or not. But God only forgives if we apologize and repent. If we don't do these things and decide to "follow Jesus" the Biblical God banishes us to a lifetime in hell, which seems to me like the ultimate in holding a grudge.
I think forgiveness in Christianity can be used as a way to protect an abuser, or to keep others from having to experience intense or unpleasant emotions from someone who has been hurt.
I've been reading this book "Dance of the Dissident Daughter" by Sue Monk Kidd. There is a line in there that really resonates.
"You forgive what you can, when you can. That's all you can do".
What you can, when you can. On your timetable. Not under threat or manipulation.